So I know I haven't written in... forever... but hopefully you guys will be cool and like me anyways...

So... not only have I not written here on my journal page in a million years, I actually had not written songs in about a year as well. Holy cow. I can't believe it's been so long. But back in December I started co-writing with some really cool cats (Derek Dixie and June Roseboro) and am thrilled to have found a fresh sound and inspiration, as well as great new friends)... it felt amazing to get back in the studio and discover what it was about the last 11 years that kept me going... the creative process... it's such a beautiful thing... I love it so much. I can't wait to let you guys hear some of the stuff we've worked on. I've posted some of it on my website and the myspace page. Download "February" and "Rewind" for $.99 to get a taste...

Maybe I'll surprise ya with the new stuff on tour in May. Can't wait to see everyone again. Can't wait to play with the band guys again. I have missed you all on my extremely needed break. But now I am in love with my art again, and ready to roll with the opportunity to use the gifts that I've been trusted with. Diligence to my creativity is alive again... and so am I. See ya real soon. xox

Providence has given us all a gift. One that comes once a year (or once a day, if chosen) to remind us:

(1) everyday is a new day

(2) all of our shortcomings can dissolved

(3) we are here to grow

(4) we are here with purpose

(5) to diligently continue building on the foundations that we call "past"

(6) to look forward with great hope and anticipation to achieving our purpose for the greater good of ourselves and of others

(7) to put every pain, scar, bump, and bruise behind us...not just put away--like the way we fold our no-longer-needed winter clothes into the back of a bureau-- but more like the way that a fisherman casts his line into the deepest sea, only to have it break off and be gone forever--

I am grateful today for every January 1st that comes around. I am ready to take this fresh calendar and graffiti things in it that will represent new memories-- ones that will remind me that life indeed is a gift...to be lived and experienced to the fullest-- but not without wisdom, compassion, beauty, receptivity, and grace.

I have performed 102 shows since May 2nd. Not bad. Another year hitting roughly 150 shows or so for the entire 52 weeks. It seems to have gone by so quickly again. That probably means I am having way too much fun, or just getting older and letting it all go by in a big crazy blur! Who knows. If anyone is interested, I feel the tour was a smash success. Although my bank account hardly reflects a phrase like "smash success," I feel as though people everywhere responded overwhelmingly to this music... They connected with it, they felt that it was a reflection of their own lives, they believed in it. The award for the "Most Interesting Little Wildfire" goes to North Carolina. The fans and press and radio seem to be loving this music like crazy out there! Many Kudos to NC!

I have my sights set on the UK for 2005. I am going to go, even if its just me, my combat boots, my back pack, and little red guitar for a month or two. Who knows.

A MOMENT OF THANKS FOR THE OPPORTUNITIES AND EXPERIENCES OF THIS REMARKABLE YEAR.

My extreme thanks to God first for giving music a voice through me, and for placing in me an unexplainable driving force to want to make, record, and perform this music. I humbly honor You for the courage you have given to me every day to be diligent with this gift. Thank You for giving me people who believe in this music as much as I do, surrounding me with unconditional support...my A-Team: Pete Abdou (booking/drums), Miguel Fair (bass) ...and his wife Kathleen for sharing him, Jace Bersin (guitar), Mark Dailey (E. Dagener, MA), Steve Browne (Big Time Audio, TX), Milton Adams (Photography, TX), Kathleen Schumacher (Web Design, TX), Trieste Cordova, Mia Bisette, and Tina Foss (The Rescue & Support Squad). You guys are my team mates. None of this is possible without you. Thanks for always putting up with my sometimes impossible artist-self. You are amazing and I bow my head to you humbly in complete amazement and gratitude. What a gift your loyalty has been in my life. What amazing friends you have become!

Thank you to all the folks all over the country that have let us invade your homes and your 'fridges. You are too many to name, and more appreciated than you may ever really know. The Gift you gave to me was so much more than food and shelter.

Thank you eternally to my New England Family: Lou, Anita, Nikki, Joe, Dave, Andrea, Seth & Sam Abdou; Dorothy, Steve, Tom, Kevin & Timmy Brown; Chris, Karen & Kyle DiMare; Gerry, Jeanne, and Zach Cormier; I will love you all forever. I couldn't have made it these last chapters of my life without your undying and unconditional support, laughter, and love.

Finally to my Nuclear and Immediate Family: There are simply no words to express my love and gratitude for you all. No words. Not even close.

To the people who bought our music and made it possible for us to stay on the road for 7 months, thank you. For the fans that kept coming back to see us, you guys are the best. I am glad that we have this music in common.
I don't know what else to write tonight. What a remarkable year I have had. Wow.

I hope everyone has a good holiday. Hopefully, we will see ya real soon! Look for me in the Southwest for the beginning of 2005...Tiffany

It is "Month 3" of living on the road. our stats roughly look like this (so far):

visited: 25 states
driven: 20,000 miles
performed: 65 gigs in 77 days
survived a handful of really horrible band arguements: 3 times
consumed a healthy lunch at subway: at least 6 meals / wk
major van repairs: 3 (please send money!)
new friends: 1,533
increase TSB website traffic: 322% (over 200 hits per week)
slept in van overnight: 5 times
slept in hotels: 6 nights
slept on floor in homes of complete strangers: 66 nights
been frightened by what we saw in those homes: 37 times
been written about in city newspapers: 18 times
fallen in love: twice (once with a person, once with the best tiramisu i have ever experienced)
written new songs about it (the person, not the dessert): 4
kept personal journal: 227 pages worth
pictures taken to illustrate my journal: like ... a million
favorite venue award: First Avenue in Minneapolis, MN.
worst venue award: Tal's Music Emporium in Hattiesburg, MS.
wanted to quit tour and fire everybody: 2 times
been loving it all and totally grateful for this amazing experience: 61-98 times a day

We are still going strong. Gigs booked thru Oct.8, so we have a ways to go! Then I wanna go into studio for Oct/Nov. and do another album-- (my muses have been kind to me while I am travelling!) Already have most the songs, definitely have the title, and am working on the cover design now! Really excited about going into studio again. It's gonna be good.

I was a different person when I left 13 weeks ago on May 2nd. Was excited and nervous and terrified and strong with anticipation...all at the same time. Was excited about travelling, which i still love. Was nervous about how people would react to the music, which has been overwhelmingly and consistently good. Was terrified of starving to death or getting killed, which my very healthy 'buddah belly' reflects that my life is still going just fine. Remember being strong with anticipation for all the new experiences I would have. What do I anticipate now? It felt good to complete the first leg of tour, (East coast: May 2nd-June 5), and the second leg, (Midwest: June 9-July 18). It will feel outstanding to complete 5 and a half months worth of a self-booked, self-promoted, self-sustaining show on October 8th; it being our first time out and all. This is something I will be proud of for the rest of my life. What do I anticipate in the long run?

Having removed myself from alot of daily worries that come with having a house and a day job and a normal American adult life, as well as the daily interaction with any of the same people on a consistent basis, I have found myself being more familiar with the True Me-- the one that isn't influenced to change or sway from the true self by other personalities, but is drawn to discover the soul of each. I am getting to know my True Self that has more time to think and ponder and explore mentally and spiritually on a regular basis the things that I want to understand about life and love and hurt and aging and creativity and all it's facets. I anticipate what that True Self will continue to learn and who She will become and where She will take me on this journey we call the earth life. I have begun feeling as though I am just hanging out sorta watching a movie or something ...just along for the ride. I am fascinated and challenged every single day. I watch this life and all its moving pictures like a new sponge that is dying of thirst. So I guess I anticipate every moment for the rest of my life. How's that for the longest, most non-descript explaination ever?!

What else? Hmmm. "Prodigal" was aired on a major radio station in Chicago for the first time. That was cool. I met Santana's bass player (www.bennyworld.com) and that was very cool. I stood next to Marissa Tomei at a Patti Smith concert. That was interesting-- she was freakin out! A huge Smith fan, obviously. I saw the coolest solo acoustic guitar show ever (www.michaelkelsey.com) and that was great. Reconnected with an old friend that I hadn't seen in 8 years and ended up crashing at her place when we were in her city. That was refreshing and awesome. Got to spend my favorite holiday, July 4th, with extended family at the lake house in Ohio. It was super. Didn't want to leave!

Everything has been good so far and I can't believe that I have been playing for 10 years and just now am doing my first national tour. The band has gotten super tight and I am really proud of everyone. My suspicions were right about my life being in a new phase- one that is nothing I have ever experienced, and one that I hope continues for a long time. Am having the time of my life and there is nowhere but "up" to go from here!

I just paid my rent for April. This is significant because I am hoping that it will be my last rent check ever. It hit me that I am leaving one month from today for tour. And as far as I am concerned, I am not ever coming back.

Coming THROUGH, but not coming back. I have had to divorce myself from my home, my dog, my furniture (that is SO fabulous), my art space, my yard, and weirdly enough, my day gig-- (actually just the consistency that it has provided in my life ­ and of course the folks I see every day).

It has been sorta a hard process for me - - to do this emotional disconnecting (especially from my sweetie-dog Noodle). I got through it by telling myself, "Well, you can always NOT go." The idea of that was the most absurd thought I think I've ever had... because, y'know what? If I don't go, as far as I am concerned, the last 9 years of my life doesn't count ...and I'll be damned if what i've gone thru in the last 9 years of being in the music biz doesn't count!!! SO THAT'S IT. I'M GOIN. AND THAT'S HOW IT IS.

I found myself suffering from pre-occupation on stage in the last few weeks. That's reeeeally weird for me because my time on stage is the only place in the universe (other than my time alone) that I feel COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE. So, if I am not permeated entirely by the music, something is SEVERELY WRONG. I've had to ask myself what the hell was going on with me. "Stella" has since gotten "her groove back," and here's what I've come up with. I think for a while, I lost sight of why I do what I do. And why it's IMPORTANT for me to do what I do. I was focused on putting on an amazing, high-energy ROCK show, and as that is all fine and good, it eventually was just a distraction, as my focus became locked on things that were out of my control. A show like that has many factors -great sound, great performances of the entire band, lots of faces in the audience, etc.

I remember once in Nashville, I was talking to a friend of mine who is VERY established in that scene (he discovered and produced a singer/songwriter we know as "Dolly Parton"). He's somebody that has answered a lot of my music business questions from time to time, and a very interesting man. Anyways, in one of those conversations, I asked him for a tidbit of unwavering truth-- something that I could take with me anywhere - something that would stand true for the rest of my career and my life - he said this: "Focus on what you CAN control." And I guess that's it.

I can control the intensity of my own performance - which entails losing myself entirely. I can control how well I self care, in order to be healthy for my shows. I can control who I partner myself within life and business. I can control what my calendar looks like. I can control my hopes, my dreams, and (hopefully) my fears -I can control how I handle myself with other people. I can control how much I write, or not, how quiet I am, or not, how open I am, or not, how honest I am, or not(?!?), and how giving I am. I can control my finances and my exersize schedule...

I can control my lack of self-control. I cannot, however, control the people around me or their choices. I cannot control who the club puts behind the sound board (however I am hoping that will be my decision very, very soon)... I cannot control what mood the guys are in when they get to the club to do a show. I cannot control how many people show up to watch the gig or buy the album, but I would be ALL SET if I could!! (she smiles).

I guess that I also have reconnected with my PURPOSE. To share. Share my stories. Share my lessons learned, mistakes made, feelings realized, secret thoughts... these songs are universal. They are something that captures the moments that lives are made of. They are observations, they are reactions, they are real. They are living. Anyone who connects with them is because the songs are their real life, too. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. That's why its so very important for me to share these songs. I am the only one who can give them a voice. These songs must have a voice and I am their translator. I am the only one who can translate this message. It is my responsibility, therefore, to speak it. To share. To perform. To let these songs be heard and give them a chance to be heard. And that's it.

Someone asked me today if I was excited to go on tour. I am strangely calm and excited all at the same time. I feel that it is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. I am in the center of where I am supposed to be. and that feels great. I think this experience is going to be a riot. I am looking forward to the new spaces I'll find myself in, the new people I will meet, the new stages I will play on--- I am looking forward to getting on my bandmates' nerves, and getting sick of seeing their faces every day. I am looking forward to breaking down on the side of the road somewhere (cuz that has happened to every band that's ever toured, right?!) I am looking forward to seeing new cities and countryside's. I am really really really looking forward to playing in Manhattan. I never missed an episode of "Sex in the City" y'know. I am looking forward to being homesick. I am looking forward to writing about my time -- joys and struggles -- out there. We have joys and struggles no matter where we go or what we do, right? well, i'd rather have mine while touring and playing music. And that's it.

At the beginning of this essay, I said I was never coming back home. What I meant was, I am not coming back home until I have enough money in the bank to buy a home. A home in NYC, Greece, and ocean-front in California, (and of course, Dallas). So that's it. See ya on the road!!

***Quote for the day: "Marrying a woman for her beauty makes no more sense than eating a bird for its singing."********

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS??

DEFINE WHAT I WANT FOR MY LIFE:

1) spiritually: to be compassionate always and to have a comprehensive understanding of the love of God.
2) financially: to have an AWESOME savings account.
3) mentally: to be able to think all things through, logically, thoroughly, and effectively, and independant of major therapy, breakdowns, and/or medications!
4) emotionally: to not have the roller-coaster syndrome
5) relationships: calm, not chaos.

*Fear should be a counselor, not a jailer. *

Have an action plan to meet my goals:

1) S: read a proverb a day and try to live it
2) F: save (X) per week
3) M: focus and stay aware
4) E: same as #3
5) R: be extra careful of who i partner myself with-- personally & professionally

notice what my patterns are, and note what works and what doesn't!!

*FLEXIBILTY + POWER!!!
**There is NO SUCH THING as failure!!
***Change approach. Do it until you succeed.

-Change what doesn't work in your life.
-SUCCESS LEAVES CLUES: find a role model in each area.

What actions will i start TODAY?
TRUE SUCCESS IS FROM GOOD JUDGEMENT.

Prayer for today and for 2004:
Let these be my personal goals for growth, in order that I may reach my full potential.
Amen.